sleepy's blog

Seems like many wanted to study again but don’t have the financial backup. Just a thought after reading my msn group.

Hmm~ I almost forgot the feeling of being a student again.

Catherine is back to work after her 2 months of maternity leave. Seems like it’s been ages.

Fanny is still on medical leave. Her womb is not strong enough to carry her baby. Dunno how long will she be staying at home. Worst come to worst is to stay in her bed with minimal movement till she gives birth to the child. Hai… Need to cover her admin work and no time for my own stuff.

Lunching at IBM tower. All 3 of us had mixed vegetable rice. Heng heng only mine had this little 1 cm long buggy in my plate, after finishing 3 quarter of my share. Yucks… The other 2 colleagues didn’t finish their portion as well. Idiot~

Second time encountering buggy…

Start my new year with a brand new look. Yup~ Yup~ Cut my hair again at Masa. Feel more comfortable visiting them the third time. My new look? Erm… I look like a monkey now. Too short to determine whether is it nice or not. Rather boyish…

Coop up in Lester’s house for the weekends. Purpose? Prepare for the chinese new year, clearing all his barangs. The most chen jiu gan i have is his wardrobe. Packed the clothing according to colors for easy access, standardized the clothes hangers with his mum’s help. Haha~

I like the feeling of throwing things, especially things that are not yours. Opps~ Shall be doing mine round this weekend. Lots more to clear. I have got my bedroom, my storeroom, my wardrobe, my mummy’s kitchen, the living room. Heez~ Throwing things time~

Lester’s mum taught me how to make blueberry cheesecake. Hmm~ Easy easy~ (^_^)

And we spend the start of 2nd January 2005 watching midnight movie, Meet The Fockers, at Great World City. Haha~ Non-stop laughing. Something to cheer you up with their insanity.

Steamboat the next nite and basically slacking all the time.

Happy New Year to all…

Before i start wishing all of you a Happy New Year, let me kao peh first. I lost my blue bikini top. Nabeiz~ It is bo kor leng the bikini got legs one. I pack them nicely in my wardrode, boh kor leng i just lost the one and only one blue top. BOR KOR LENG A!!!

Went shopping with Banana the whole afternoon in Bugis. Everywhere is crowded. Despite of the shopping mood, we can no longer fight against the backaches and leg aches after some time.

Before the year ends, may i wish you a happy and prosperous new year.

Yesterday knock off on the dot. Getting more and more punctual when it comes to knocking off. Don’t really feel like staying in the office nowadays. Went over to Lester’s house, suppose to eat jap food at Liang Court, but his mum suggested to go for Isetan private sale.

Used to work in Isetan as well. Private sales are usually a 1 day event, meant for Isetan cardholders only. In the day, you will see people of all working ages, loitering around the store. Guess what: most of them took a day of just for that sales.

We had our dinner at Akashi restaurant first. Waited for quite some time before our food are served. Very small yet crowded atmosphere of eating. But this is how a normal Japanese restaurant should be like in japan.

Walk all the way along the Forum to Isetan. I have already had my shopping engine geared up. Both the ladies went to the ladies department for goodies while Lester went up to the men and sports department. Been digging stacks after stacks of clothing and undergarments. Eh… Rather good bargain leh. A lot of Triumphs’ bras have ran out of my size. The varieties are there, but the colors wise doesn’t suit me. Heez~

I bought don’t how many sets of undergarments, 2 bikinis, 1 spaghetti top for the beach, 1 billabong beach bag and 1 billabong cosmetic pouch. Did not really buy anything that will require me to try. The dressing room’s queue is forever so long. Most of the apparels are just grab and go. Lester, on the other hand, bought 1 nike jacket, 1 nike long pants and 1 billabong belt.

Hmm… Didn’t buy any new year clothing. Thinking of going to Toa Payoh Central, Jurong East Central and Chinatown shophouses to look look see see. These are the top neighbourhood choices for new year shopping. Definitely can get apparels of your choice.

Christmas Eve

Christmas eve is a half day work for me. Duh~ But my half day ends as late as 2:40pm becoz of the celebration. We have a company lunch in the meeting room. Good food, good fruit soberts, and i’m only offer to sparkling water. (-.-‘”) The lunch starts at 12pm and ends around 1 hour later. Then they started their game session. We have some brain cracking games, some “breathe-consuming” games and singing competition. The funniest part is when one of the directors volunteer to perform hokkien songs despite his jia-gan-dang look.

Lester pops in in the middle of the celebration with flowers in his hands. I stand-rooted for a split seconds before i regain my ‘conscious’. Followed in the background are loud howling and cheering by all my colleagues. [Hope my colleagues din frightened you off.]

Anyway, i just ended my office day with lots and lots of presents. Dinner was held in Lester’s house. Eating steamboat. Yum~ I love the califlower with cheese the most. Not forgetting all the other food laying on the table. Thank you for your hosting. Supposely, to watch Love Actually again, but we K.O. too early.

Christmas

Wake up late in the afternoon, wash up and return back to my house. Went for some photo developing before watching Kungfu Hustle in Great World City. It really makes a big difference with the financial supports from other bigger media investor. I keep staring at the credit screen, looking for some ang-mos names. Nope~ Din find any. Animation to music and sound effects are done by the chinese. A bit boh-kor-leng for me. Haha~

Meet up with the click: Laily, Suqin, Jackie at Bukit Panjang for dinner. We ate zhu chao. I think this is the first time all agreed to top-up the rice portion in the mid of eating. An we went out for a short car-ride to West Coast Park. Little little chat-up here and there. Only till then, i know Jackie is leaving to Thailand in months to come. Best wishes pal… I want pork floss from thailand when you are back. Heez~

Day After Christmas

I have never been so “on” to go to my aunt house, ever since that incident happen. Hmm… My aunt aged a lot.

Shortly after that, my little nephew, Hao Hao, return home, with his father, whom is my cousin, and his new girlfriend. His father is currently divorcing with his wife. Not because of this new girlfirend, but because the wife leave them. I was greeted with shockness actually when i saw another lady. And my little nephew is so used to the new girlfriend’s presence that he called her jie-jie. Same goes to my aunt’s family. They had no objection to the current relationship.

Asking about my views: i think the new girlfriend will be a better daughter-in-law for my aunt’s family. She is able to convince the family that she don’t mind my cousin have 2 children, been a divorcee, and most importantly, able to be the support for my cousin at this period of time. I feel the changes in my cousin. Perhaps, when you are a father, you will react differently. But quite a big change in his behaviors. A good change, of course.

Trying to play with Hao Hao at the start. Couldn’t really understand what he is talking about. You need to be quite idiotic and childish in order to understand i guess. At first, i find him alright. Sitting quietly in my uncle’s arms, watching tv. Slowly, he starts to show me toys and more toys. Next are his vcds collection. Then, he hits me with the ruler in his hand. Ultimately, jumping onto me and suffocating me with all the cushions.

Kids~ Wonder will he remember me when i visit him next time.

While flipping a free newspaper, I-S Magazine, i was captured by their section under ‘Business + Services’.

Then these taglines and massage service providers’ name came hand-in-hand in their advertisments…

• Temptation Massage Services: Tempt me… Tease me…
• Asia Chic Massage Services: Feel our oriental touch…
• D Lips’ Massage Services: Pamper yourself.
• Silk Stocking Massage Services: Yes, we come in stockings.

Sounds damn horny to me. Haha~

Friday

Me, Zhen and Lester went to Suntec for the extended midnight shopping. Man~ It is damn crowded. Had our dinner at N.Y.D.C.~ Yum yum~ Oven baked rice. I have a hard time squeezing through the clothes. And even if you have picked something that you like, you’ll probably be too lazy to queue up to try.

Saturday

I fall asleep again after Lester called. Sleep till he arrived and gave me a knock on my head. (-.-‘”) Meet up with Kenny to buy his girlfriend’s gift. Hmm… Sorry for the rush.

We watch Ocean 12 at Plaza Singapura. Not that nice actually. Shop the whole day for christmas gifts and accessories. Big headache~ Cineleisure food court level has this little stall selling korean cosemetic. All pretty affordable and nicely packaged. As for dinner, we basically ate junk food from those food stalls at Taka’s basement.

Sunday

Yawn~ Wake up early to bathe and prepare sandwiches to Sentosa with Meixin.

We have been lazing around, laying on the mats on Tanjong Beach, suntanning. This beach is rather quiet compared to the Central and Siloso Beach. And you will see lots of dog owners showing up in this beach as well.

While tanning, we talk about primary school. So much recap, and i can hardly remember anything from that time. She told me about being a facilitator for zoo, night safari and bird park. This is so cool. But you gotta be bold enough. You must not be afraid of snakes and worms and all sorts of animals because you will need to work with them. Nah~ I failed to be one. Left the beach at about 2:30pm. Erm… I bet i din get tanned enough. Shall go next week again.

We went to IKEA for the night and had dinner at kopitiam. Too full for the day.

Sterotyping becomes so strong to break through and to tell the rest: I’m Different~

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes…

Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, “You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs.” Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, “Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.” Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn’t help doing so. I moved Dew’s hands aside and said, “You go to select some furniture, ok? I’ve got something to do in the company.” Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.

At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew’s body. This was the means of my entertainment. One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn’t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hints. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, “Ning, divorce her, ok? Then we live together.” I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more. When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. “I’ve got something to tell you.” I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. “I want to divorce.” I raised a serious topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, “Why? I’m serious.” I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, “You are not a man!”

At that night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew. With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month’s time before divorce, and in the month’s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn’t want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, “Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?”

This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember . You carried me in your arms , she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning. I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. “No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce.” she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, “Daddy is holding mummy in his arms…” His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, “Let us start from today, don’t tell our son.” I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, “The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.”

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.

I didn’t tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, “It seems not difficult to carry you now.”

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, “All my dresses have grown fatter.” I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. “Dad, it’s time to carry mum out.” he said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, “Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.” I held her tightly and said, “Both you and I didn’t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy.”

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, “Sorry Dew, I won’t divorce. I’m serious.” She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead, “You got no fever.” I moved her hand off my head.

“Sorry Dew, I can only say sorry to you, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of life, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.” Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry.

I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card.

I smiled and wrote: I’ll carry you out every morning until we are old.